When we first heard about Aspen Man Camp, we laughed; summer camp for dudes? Pass. It sounds like a bunch of Nancy-men bonding around a campfire, talking about their feelings. The we started clicking around on their site, and saw the words "nighttime ninja training." 

Man Camp is billed as a "man's version of group health retreats," where you learn what it means to "train like a man, eat like a man, recreate like a man...TO BE A MAN!!!"

It's not the Harley bikes, rock climbing, tractors, fly fishing, fight training, paintball or unlimited beer that turn you into a man's man -- it's about the attitudes of the dudes running the show. At Aspen Man Camp they seem to have way more manhood wisdom than we do, and we'd like to take a trip to the Rockies and find out some dude secrets.

Here are 10 reasons why you're not a man until you've been to "man camp."

  • 1

    Because at Man Camp, 'Spandex will not be tolerated under any circumstances!'

    If only these signs were everywhere.

  • 2

    Because you've seen 'City Slickers' and Man Camp will teach you how to be Curly


    Their website explains: "There are two types of guys: Those who want to come to Man Camp & those who NEED to come to Man Camp," and we'd much rather be the former.

  • 3

    Because their hunting philosophy is 'You catch what you want, but you eat what you catch'


    What's the last thing you caught? Besides your wife in bed with your brother?

  • 4

    Because their all-caps motto is 'LEAVE YOUR INNER-CHILD AT HOME'


    Does an inner child need a babysitter, or can they be left home alone?

  • 5

    Because they offer 'Manhood Interventions'


    It's not as invasive as it sounds.

  • 6

    ...and the intervention concludes by being carried to camp over the shoulder of a giant man named 'The Basquach'


    Okay, that part is kind of invasive.

  • 7

    Because they teach you 'secret and deadly martial arts and instinctive archery techniques'


    We don't even know the public and safe methods, let alone secret and deadly.

  • 8

    Because they provide you with: a ninja suit, assorted ninja weapons, and a leather motorcycle jacket with the Man Camp logo


    ...And you need all of those things.

  • 9

    Because they have something called 'nighttime ninja training'


    ...And refuse to explain it on their site.

  • 10

    Because of this testimonial from someone named Garth


    Us too, Garth. Us. Too.