10 Reasons Why You’re Not a Man Until You’ve Been to ‘Man Camp’
When we first heard about Aspen Man Camp, we laughed; summer camp for dudes? Pass. It sounds like a bunch of Nancy-men bonding around a campfire, talking about their feelings. The we started clicking around on their site, and saw the words “nighttime ninja training.”
Man Camp is billed as a “man’s version of group health retreats,” where you learn what it means to “train like a man, eat like a man, recreate like a man…TO BE A MAN!!!”
It’s not the Harley bikes, rock climbing, tractors, fly fishing, fight training, paintball or unlimited beer that turn you into a man’s man — it’s about the attitudes of the dudes running the show. At Aspen Man Camp they seem to have way more manhood wisdom than we do, and we’d like to take a trip to the Rockies and find out some dude secrets.
Here are 10 reasons why you’re not a man until you’ve been to “man camp.”
Because at Man Camp, ‘Spandex will not be tolerated under any circumstances!’
If only these signs were everywhere.
Because you’ve seen ‘City Slickers’ and Man Camp will teach you how to be Curly
Their website explains: “There are two types of guys: Those who want to come to Man Camp & those who NEED to come to Man Camp,” and we’d much rather be the former.
Because their hunting philosophy is ‘You catch what you want, but you eat what you catch’
What’s the last thing you caught? Besides your wife in bed with your brother?
Because their all-caps motto is ‘LEAVE YOUR INNER-CHILD AT HOME’
Does an inner child need a babysitter, or can they be left home alone?
Because they offer ‘Manhood Interventions’
It’s not as invasive as it sounds.
…and the intervention concludes by being carried to camp over the shoulder of a giant man named ‘The Basquach’
Okay, that part is kind of invasive.
Because they teach you ‘secret and deadly martial arts and instinctive archery techniques’
We don’t even know the public and safe methods, let alone secret and deadly.
Because they provide you with: a ninja suit, assorted ninja weapons, and a leather motorcycle jacket with the Man Camp logo
…And you need all of those things.
Because they have something called ‘nighttime ninja training’
…And refuse to explain it on their site.
Because of this testimonial from someone named Garth
Us too, Garth. Us. Too.