10 Ridiculous iPhone Apps We Can’t Believe Were Approved
Even though Apple is notoriously tough on apps they think are “not suitable” for the iTunes Store, every once in a while, something sneaks through. Here's ten of the grossest, most sexist, and just plain ridiculous iPhone Apps that have actually made it into the App Store.
How do you get around Apple's “No Nudity” clause? Create an Augmented Reality app that instantly detects whether a human body is in the frame, and subs it out with a naked body clad only in skimpy underwear. Time to finally see what your friends look like butt naked, right? Only one problem… It doesn't work. Oh, well, back to drilling holes in their walls! [No Longer Available From iTunes Store]
Want to know how good you are at sex? Open up the Passion App, put your iPhone next to the bed, let it listen to you while you “do it,” and then upload your score so you can compare prowess with your friends. Oh, and the sounds emanating from the iPhone that sound like some old dude heavily breathing? Don't worry, that's probably just the app “working.” [iPhone; $0.99]
There's no way to put this politely, so in case you haven't figured out, this line is from the product description: “MyVibe turns your iPhone into a vibrator.” Sadly, though, it doesn't turn your vibrator into an iPhone. [iPhone; FREE]
iStrip – Sexy Pen
If you seriously need to download a virtual version of a sexy pen onto your iPhone, well, then you've got some issues. Bright side — You've hit a low point, and it's all uphill from here. Given the screen shots, we assume that it takes over eight hours of holding your phone upside-down to get to see her in her underwear. [No Longer Available From iTunes Store]
I Am A Man
Here's an app that lets you keep track of your girlfriend's menstrual cycle! And not only that, but you can keep track of SEVERAL girl's menstruations with the app. Don't worry, though, you can password protect it, so even if your girlfriend finds out, she won't see you've been keeping tabs on all her friends. [iPhone; $1.99]
Fun fact: it's not okay to show human breasts in iPhone apps, but it is okay to reward you a “Golden Nugget” Award for being amazing at pooping. This app keeps track of your poop. It's still not as weird as keeping tabs on the menstrual cycles of several women. [iPhone; $0.99]
For the married man who wants to wreck his marriage, but doesn't have the privacy to do it from a home computer, he can now download the social network app specifically designed to start extra-marital affairs from anywhere! It should come with a complimentary “Do I have a disease” app because you'll be downloading that eventually. [iPhone; FREE]
This app was actually pulled from the App Store in under 24 hours by Pepsi, but while it was up, it allowed guys to separate women into twenty-four different types, ranging from 'Artist' to 'Rebound Girl' (with Married and Twins in between). Once you did, it told you how to seal the deal, and then allowed you to add the girl to your “Brag List” on Twitter and Facebook after you had sex with her. Stick to soft drinks, Pepsi. [No Longer Available From iTunes Store]
Will You Marry Me??
There are actually two apps in the store with almost exactly the same name: Will You Marry Me?! and Will You Marry Me?? The former gives you fun and practical ideas on how to propose. The latter helps you practice proposing. Just ask your phone to marry you, give it a flick, and it'll give you an answer. And as ridiculous as that is, there's an even worse app that does the proposing for you. Nothing like finally getting down on one knee, and showing your beloved that a $.99 cent app to capture her heart. [iPhone; FREE]
PUFF! was also recently pulled from the App Store, but while it was live, it allowed you to blow on (using the iPhone's mic) a picture of a girl and make her skirt fly up to reveal her underwear! The only app that actually “blew” and “sucked.” [No Longer Available From iTunes Store]