12 Clues Bobby Valentine May Be a Bust As Red Sox Manager
The Boston Red Sox have introduced Bobby Valentine as their new manager, throwing him into the pressure cooker of what is one of the most demanding jobs in sports.
With Red Sox Nation clamoring to put last season’s collapse further in the rearview mirror than memories of Bill Buckner’s error in the ’86 Series, Valentine will certainly have his work cut out for him. Will it all pan out? Only time will tell, but here are some signs that hiring the former Mets and Rangers skipper may not turn out to be the best move:
1. He reveals the only reason he took the job was so he could have access to authentic New England clam chowder.
2. He tells fans it’s only a few months until training camp for the Patriots opens.
3. Every time he orders a hit and run, Josh Beckett orders a 12-piece bucket of fried chicken.
4. He says fans shouldn’t expect too much from a team that can only afford a $180 million payroll.
5. He keeps Dustin Pedroia out of the lineup until he realizes he’s not the batboy.
6. He demands a sixth playoff team be added, you know, just in case the Sox fall apart again in September.
7. During spring training, he reminds the team it’s not about winning. It’s about trying hard.
8. He demands the Green Monster be painted yellow to give it a cheerier disposition.
9. With his background managing in Japan, he spends too much time trying to get the pitching staff to eat sushi and sake instead of fried chicken and beer.
10. He drops the “e” from his last name to win over fans in an attempt to prove he’s related to mid-’90s shortstop John Valentin.
11. He promises fans he will do everything in his power to make sure the Red Sox never lose to their arch-rivals — the Kansas City Royals.
12. Valentine has loaded up on fake moustaches and other disguises to slip out of Fenway in case of September swoon emergencies.