When it comes to being in a public restroom, the less said, the better.

Get in, do your business and get out. You don’t need to strike up a friendship. Really, all you need to do is clean out your system and continue with your day. So, if for some reason, you’re a loquacious fellow looking to form a bond, we recommend none of the following sentences ever leave your lips:

1. “I’ve never seen something that big. Or purple.”

2. “They’re out of paper towels. Do you mind if I use your shirt?”

3. “Can I have a hug?”

4. “Welcome to my one-man production of ‘Urinetown.’”

5. “I took all the soap out of the dispensers and replaced them with Tabasco sauce.”

6. “Do you have a pen? I’d like to let people know who they can call for a good time.”

7. “I took the air out of the hand dryers and replaced them with snot.”

8. “I’m about to release what I can only describe as a ‘Swiss missile.’”

9. “I took the water out of the toilet and replaced it with battery acid, so don’t splash.”

10. “Wow, that burns.”

11. “Can I spot you?”

12. “I just ate Mexican, so now would be a good time to clear out.”

13. “Can you spot me?”

14. “You need to work on your aim.”

15. “Let’s play a little game I like to call ‘Naked Plumber.’”