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According to Women, They Often Turn Down Sex Because They’ve Got to Take a Dump

Woman On Toilet
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It’s rare, but, there are instances when a man will turn down the offer of intercourse. The word rare means “never” right? What does rare mean? Not cooked thoroughly to maintain redness and juiciness? What the hell does…nevermind. Let’s pretend men never turn down sex and concentrate this blog on a different juicy center.

Women turn down sex all the time. They always have a legit reason. Specifically, eleven reasons according to this honest list on TheFrisky. The reasons are always “highly embarrassing” but probably not as embarrassing as wanting to have sex and getting shot down without being given reason so you’re just made to feel unattractive AND I NEED TO LEAVE MY PERSONAL LIFE OUT OF THIS.

Among the reasons The Frisky gives for not wanting to take it rare are “gas, a cranky vagina, not in the right headspace and zits in odd areas.”

As a public service to those at TheFrisky (and all the ladies reading), I’d like to breakdown their reasons for not having sex, and give the response of all men to those excuses for skipping a chance to dip the roast beef in the au jus and YES I’m just as disgusted by that analogy for sex as the rest of you.

Female Excuse                                    Male Response

“I’ve got gas.”                                        “So do I. First one to finish gets to fart too”

“My vagina is cranky.”                            “Don’t talk about your mom in the bedroom.”

“I’m not in the headspace.”                     “We’ll skip Sudoku and get right into it.”

“I had sex already today.”                       “Drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte isn’t sex.”

“I just got my hair done.”                        “So?”

“I saw a Farrah Abraham…”               “If you don’t want to sleep with me, just say it.”

“I’ve got a zit in a bad spot.”                “I’ve got things growing that might not be human.”

“I haven’t shaved in a while.”                “I’ll shut my eyes like I planned.”

“I already worked out today.”                “Walking to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte isn’t…”

“I have to poop soon.”                          “Unless it’s going to happen before, or during, so?”

“I don’t feel like finding pubic….”           “You don’t like me. Just say it. Jerk.”

Ladies, the next time you don’t feel like having sex, and one of these eleven is the reason — just tell us. Also, for the benefit of our relationship, stop watching videos of Farrah Abraham doing anything with her vagina.

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