Name: Allie the Asphyxiator (pictured right)

Location: The 'special accommodations needed' aisle on the airplane.

Occupation: Paperweight.

Hobbies: Running, doing jumping jacks, carrying stuff for people (see above).

3 Things She Can’t Live Without: Anodized steel sports bras, lycra, Aleve.

Skills: Clapping with her arms behind her back, anchoring ships in a storm.

Her Motto: “Can you hold these for a second?"

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. BTW! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email at jackie [@]