Cameron Simcik is a graduate of Bucknell University. She has written for Her Campus and is currently the Philadelphia Travel City Editor for The Daily Meal and a contributing writer for TheFW and GuySpeed.
People are weird. You're a nutcase, we're lunatics, everyone in this crazy old world is out of their mind in one way or another. Think about it: people are eating turkey testicles and imagining a life without porn. But then there's this lady.
If you ask us, there are two things that will never, ever go out of style: zombies and babes. Better yet, just combine the two. What can we say; there's something about bloody women in bikinis that just gets us going.
Stephen Lynch is a New York guy who's established himself as a highly-successful musical comedy performer for the past 12 years. But while most would pin him as a comedian, Stephen identifies as a songwriter-- a clever and hilarious one at that.
Doctors are some of the creepiest dudes around. We know they do all this good crap for people, but think about it-- does the good ol' doc really need to be touching our junk for that long during a prostate exam? Is he genuinely worried about that slight pain we've been feeling in our butt? Unfortunately, there are very few times a doctor's weird antics are questioned. That is, until now.
If there's one thing that sucks about sports, it's lockouts. Lockouts mean no games on TV, no dude time, and a greater chance we'll have to spend time with our women learning how to cook cheese fondue and make potpourri centerpieces. That's why we've been pretty annoyed about this whole NHL lockout.
Being a politician has to suck. Sure, there are some perks to working for the government, but when you’re in the public eye your entire life is completely exposed, and all your actions are up for scrutiny. Think about it-- political guys can’t even get a boner without it making news. No one has a squeaky clean past, and dirt is bound to be uncovered if you’re a dude running for office.
When it comes to this whole "life" thing, women have got it made. Think about it-- they can earn a few bucks offering roadside stripteases, and people go crazy hootin' and hollerin' over that stuff. As guys, we're stuck with our junk and don't have any lady bits to bear, so sometimes we've gotta get a little creative when it comes to bringing home the bacon.
No matter what anyone says, the size of our junk does matter. Ladies do take notice, and it's the gateway to our manhood. See, the whole smallest penis contest thing a few weeks back was just a strategic move on Apple's part to reach a wider audience. That market being consumers with teeny wienies. Because of this pressure we're feeling to have substantial packages, it's sometimes important to make small sacrifices to enhance one's main vein.
As guys, we’re pretty much open to any sort of sexual experience out there, except like, dolphin humping. That's weird. So, when we heard there’s some research going on about sex with robots, we lost a little of our faith in the human race, but were also slightly intrigued.
Hurricane Sandy proved to be one hell of a storm. Even though it caused tons destruction, there are some good things that came out of it. Take Coco's storm coverage, for example. We wouldn't have gotten a wet and wild double-D show if the hurricane didn't plow up the East Coast, so thanks Sandy!
We think about sex approximately every twenty seconds. Sure, a lot of women think that makes us pigs, but let's face it-- we're pigs. It's not like we can help it either, and sometimes we've just gotta get some. That becomes impossible when we're at work in the middle of the day and Jessica from Accounting isn't available for a bathroom quickie. A dude in Zimbabwe understands this issue, so he came up with a clever way to deal with it. Mind sex.
Most criminals are dumb, like that dude who drunkenly broke into a house and cooked pot pie in his underwear. Clever idea, but weird. However, that doesn't cancel out the fact that we've fantasized about committing some sort of crime at one point or another. We just don't know how it should go down. Cue: spaghetti sauce man.
We have no idea where the hell this whole zombie apocalypse fascination started. Having tons of dead people invade the planet isn't exactly the stuff we fantasize about, but there are two awesome things that have come out of it all-- 'The Walking Dead' and zombie babes...
As the entire East Coast prepares to get slammed by Hurricane Sandy, politicians from all affected states are taking necessary precautions to keep people safe. New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is one of them.
Whisky is a man’s game. Kicking back with a glass is a testament to our manhood, but it doesn’t seem like the stuff gets enough credit. That is until recently. It sounds like the testosterone-laced drink is finally gaining well-deserved attention these days, and we have some Scottish drunkards to thank.
Recently we've started to compile a list of awesome things to put in our will, like having strippers at our funeral. While it might seem like a weird death request, all we really want is to go out with a bang, and it turns out a lady over in Serbia understands our logic.
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