‘Can I Break Up With My Girlfriend Before Her Birthday?’ — Ask Dr. Harry Fisch

Luke’s girlfriend’s birthday is coming up in about two weeks but he wants to break up with her. He’s fallen for someone else but isn’t sure if he wants to throw away a three-year old relationship either. He also doesn't want to be the jerk that dumps his girlfriend right before her birthday but the girl he’s interested in dating wants things resolved right now. What should he do?

Dr. Harry Fisch’s Advice:

You need to grow up a little bit. You’ve been with your girlfriend now for three years, and all of a sudden you want to do away with the relationship just because you met some new woman? You’re not falling in love with this new girl, you’re falling in lust, and there’s a big difference. If this new person is so adamant about you breaking up your existing relationship, she’ll probably be quick to break up with you too.

It sounds to me like you’re very young, and you’re scared of taking your current relationship to the next level, so you’d rather break up with your girlfriend instead of growing up. It's possible your current girlfriend is pressuring you, and this might be annoying, but that isn’t going to change no matter which women you end up settling down with.

If there are things bothering you now in a relationship, the answer isn’t to run away to someone new. What you need to do is talk to your current girlfriend. If the relationship has changed over the past three years in ways you don’t like, then tell her what’s bothering you, and work it out like mature adults. Don’t throw away a three-year relationship because of somebody you met at the checkout counter.

Keep in mind, talking about this with her may be a decision you regret the rest of your life, but it’s all about honesty. Speak with her openly about things, and try to work this out within the relationship, before making any further decisions. If you can’t be honest with her about this, then you’re probably not going to be able to be honest in any future relationships either.

Dr. Harry Fisch is a board certified urologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Medical College of Cornell University.