Location: Christmas morning at the Qwerty house.
Attendees: 3/4 of family technically present, but all texting someone else.
Family Tradition: Sitting around the fire and playing Farmville together.
Family Motto: “Tag me!"
Location: Last man standing at the Ahnapee, Wisconsin Elk's Club New Years Extravaganza.
Occupation: Rocket scientist.
What he Was Saying While This Photo Was Taken: "Wanna see me make this milk disappear?"
What happened right after: A lot of vomiting, but none by him.
His Motto: “Lettin' loose and drinkin' moo juice."
Location: Super Walmart's dairy aisle, every Thursday between 7 and 8:30pm, or by appointment.
Occupation: World's most enthusiastic sample girl.
Top 5 Cheeses: Port wine, American, White American, Velveeta, EZ-Cheez
Secret: Hasn't pooped in years.
Her Motto: “The shredder, the better."
Location: 1st Spring Break, Cancun
Occupation: Freshman at Minnesota State
How This Happened: An unfortunate combination of irish heritage (fair skin) and irish heritage (alcohol consumption).
Likes: Beer, boobs and aloe vera.
Dislikes
Location: Plainfield, NJ
Occupation: Loss prevention specialist at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Likes: Anything pink, unicorns, walks on the beach, manicures.
Dislikes: Sandals, barefoot walks on the beach
Location: Venice Beach, CA
Occupation: Assistant Manager at Staples
Hobbies: Collecting human gasps.
Skills: Stretching everything to it's absolute limit.
His Motto: “Binder? I hardly know her!"
Location: Cotton candy factory, after hours.
Location: Charm School.
Location: His local 24-hour fitness center.
Location: County lockup.
Achievements: Ruining Christmas for all five people pictured, and an estimated many more.
