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Chinese Organ Thieves Steal Man’s ‘Bugle’

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We have all heard the legends about those unlucky souls who wake up in cheap hotels submerged in a tub full of ice with one of their kidneys missing. Well it seems that some fiendish Chinese organ thieves are cutting off the peckers of grown men while they sleep.

At least that is what police say happened to a 41-year-old man from the Niqiao village in the east China province of Zhejiang.

According to reports, Fei Lin was sound asleep when a wild gang of blitzkrieg butchers forced their way into his room, put a bag over his head, and cut off his tally whacker with a jagged instrument that has not yet been identified.

“They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off,” Lin said. “I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone.”

Police say that the possibility of this brutal act being linked to actual black market penis thieves is highly unlikely, and that the severing of Lin’s yang was probably just some extreme jealous recourse brought on by Lin knocking boots with the wrong women.

Authorities have been vigorously searching for the Chinese wiener snatchers in hopes of getting their hands on Lin’s dong, but so far, they have been unsuccessful.

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