Chinese Student Sodomized By His Bicycle and We are So So So Nauseous Now

Riding a bicycle with no seat is a parlor trick performed in nearly every circus, sideshow and trailer park redneck theatre production. These folks can post on top of a cold, piercing steel rod up without incident; they are not only true professionals, but seem to posses a rare kind of super sphincter that prevents them from taking the proverbial joyride straight to hell, via a cold steel rod. Unfortunately, that super sphincter is pretty rare.

This young Chinese student definitely found out the hard way that he is not freakshow material during a recent bike ride to school, when he suffered a perplexing fall that  ended with him lying face down in the street with his bicycle stuck up his poop-shoot.

Although several witnesses attempted to separate the boy’s bruised colon from the steel bicycle bar that had managed to savagely grudge hump him, they were unsuccessful. In the rear end, firefighters were forced to use the Jaws of Life to cut away a large portion of the bike before carting the boy off to a nearby hospital with a bicycle chunk still literally protruding from his bunghole.

Thankfully, the medical staff was able to pull the bicycle seat out of the boy’s anus without causing him any serious physical injury. However, it is believed that this incident may cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; after all, being publically raped in the streets by a Huffy is nothing to "spoke" fun at.