There is a common warning found on most products intended for insertion into the body that suggests a person should always “Use Only As Directed” or suffer the painful consequences outlined on the product’s warning label. Well, perhaps it is time to re-write the warning label printed on above average sized dildos.

Just ask the 30-year-old Chinese man (whose name is being withheld for obvious reasons) who earlier this week decided it was a good idea to grudge fudge his anal cavity with a nine-inch dildo - defying his rectal spread and lodging the rubber beast deep inside his intestines. Ok, we must admit to being new to the whole "viciously hammering away at yourself with a giant rubber donkey dong" scene, but since when is the prostate located in the stomach?

After the man was unable to pull the Long Dong Silver out himself, he hightailed it to the Shanghai Zhongshan Hospital where doctors were forced to use an endoscope (cavity probe for examining hollow organs) to remove the tightly lodged rubber sex stick from his back door. “If we did not remove the dildo in time, the man could have gone into critical condition,” said doctor Yao Liqing.

Now, medical professionals in the area are urging people to follow their sex toy instructions a little more closely. “People must use sex toys properly and avoid ones that are too big as they can hurt people,” said Yao.

Doctors say that the man suffered some tissue damage that almost resulted in emergency surgery, but he should be back to giving himself a good old fashioned reaming in the near future. May we suggest using a finger the next time? Yeah, they may not be as big, but at least they come out on command.