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Paula Bronstein, Getty Images

When it comes to ordering things over the phone like exotic dancers and high-class hookers, a man has to be careful that he does not get served a welfare hussy instead.

However, if some gangly looking sexual petri dish does show up at your door ready to perform services and you feel your standards haven’t been properly met by the pseudo reputable agency that did the bidding for you, your best bet is to pretend you're not home.

That’s exactly what happened over the weekend in Portsmouth, Virginia, when a woman claiming to be an exotic dancer called police to report a theft. When police arrived, the dancer said she wanted to file a theft report because the man would not answer the door even though she was called out to his place to conduct private services.

According to Police Captain Mike Schwartz, the dancer had no grounds for reporting a theft. “She never danced, so I would be hard pressed to say it was theft of services,” said Schwartz. “Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer...”

Captain Schwartz believes the situation was caused by a peephole case of buyer’s remorse. He even found time to make jokes about himself. “Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz,” he said. “I wouldn't answer the door either.”

Eh, that all depends on how much he charges.