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Gold Genitals and Lasers May Be the Scientific Answer to Male Birth Control

Gold Bar
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Brass balls are out. Golden balls are in.

For nearly 50 years, researchers have been challenged with creating a reversible, male contraceptive that could either be ingested, implanted, or administered through the back door. The scientists may soon have our swords “sheath free” – as long as you don’t mind a little ball bling and to be feverishly blasted where the sun doesn’t shine with a high-powered laser.

Researchers believe they have developed an interesting way to snuff out all of those over-eager sperm cells and it involves injecting nano-sized gold orbs into the testes and then heating them up with infrared lasers. Basically, they want to stun your baby-makers by giving you golden jewels and then nuke them like leftover meatballs. Don’t be nervous guys; it’s a laser, not a shrink ray!

In performing this sci-fi method of contraception on mice, researchers say they were able to kill sperm cells without causing any damage to cells responsible for creating new sperm. This makes the process completely reversible.

However, researchers have made it clear that more studies still need to be explored before this, or any other form of long-term male contraceptive becomes safe and practical.

Side note: wrapping your testicles in gold chains and standing in close proximity to a microwave is not a viable substitute for using condoms – just in case you were getting any bright ideas.

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