Name: The Condiment Capers are: Kristoph Ketchup, Marky Mustard, and Frank N. Footer [their client].

Location: Aisle 6

Occupations: Kristoph and Marky: owners and operators of a thriving boutique humiliation fetish service. Warren: Finance.

Spend Their Free Time: Kristoph and Marky: On their yacht. Warren: You're lookin' at it.

Interests: Organic meats and power struggles.

Skills: Costume design, giving dirty looks and "relishing" in the moment.

Not Into: Mayonaise.

Their Company's Motto: "We mustard heard you wrong, we thought you said no."

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. BTW! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email at jackie [@] guyspeed.com.