Well boys, the good news is, if you are reading this you are still alive. The bad news is, you just might be too fat to see that little pecker of yours. At least that is what some British health experts are saying.

According to a recent survey of 1,000 males, 33 percent of all guys between the ages of 35 and 60 have such enormous, protruding guts that they have no idea what their wieners look like. And that’s not even the bad news, you fiends – this boner “blockage” can increase your risk of developing nasty diseases like Type 2 diabetes, colon cancer, heart disease and probably impotence, too. Not that most of you fat bastages are able to find your dipping stick long enough to use it, right?

Luckily, there is a new online tool that we've officially deemed “The Pecker Tester,” which is available on a website that allows men having trouble viewing their own sex packages to take a quick health assessment and a chance to get back on the road to admiring their wieners once more.

"Men can ask questions about their health through our site and get answers within 24 hours,” says WeLoveOurHealth.co.uk wellbeing specialist Daryl Taylor. “This is great because men tend to like to do things at their ease and in their own time and often don't want to go to the doctor."