Why smile to keep your facial muscles up to snuff when you can use this X-rated looking apparatus and freak out everyone you know?

Okay, where to start with this device, called the Facial Fitness Pao? It's a Japanese product and looks like something you'd find in the clearance bin at a not-quite-legal adult bookstore you accidentally stumble across while lost on the highway when you decide to pop in and ask for directions only to discover the guy behind the counter should star in a Rob Zombie movie.

Then, there's the fact soccer god Cristiano Ronaldo appears in it, which clearly indicates he needs a better agent because there's no reason an athlete with his global star power should be reduced to hawking a product that looks like it's used to hone oral sex skills.

And, of course, there's the product itself. Oh, yeah, we just covered that, but let's reiterate: it looks like it's used to hone oral sex skills. Hey, Japan -- what exactly are you guys doing over there between the sheets?