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Jenny McCarthy Had Sex With a Tree On Drugs, Which Makes Us Wonder, Why Does a Tree Need Drugs to Have Sex With Jenny McCarthy?

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It is not unheard of to engage in bizarre sexual practices while under the influence of hard drugs. However, once the chemicals in your brain violently shift and transform you into a full-blown tree-humping dendrophiliac, there is seriously nowhere to go but up.

Just ask Jenny McCarthy, the former Playboy Playmate, who recently confessed that one night in the fierce depths of an ecstasy bender she literally tried to have sex with a tree.

”I found myself holding a tree to brace myself,” said McCarthy. “The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping!”

Interestingly, even though McCarthy was quite possibly swimming the sands of a first-class case of amphetamine psychosis, she says she was forced to bring her sexual encounter with the lucky tree to an end in order to keep her friends, who were starting to flip out on the drug, from calling for help. ”I noticed that we weren’t wearing anything,” said McCarthy. “So I responded, ‘Let’s not. We’re naked. Let’s just try to sneak back to the beach and get our clothes.’ ”

McCarthy also added that somewhere in between grinding the tree and keeping the other girls from tipping right over the edge, she heard God utter the words “Bimbos in limbo” repeatedly as if trying to punish her.

We believe the voice she heard was really a wickedly aroused tree with a mean case of blue-balls just trying to get her to come back to finish the job.


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