Major Bomb Threat! German Soldiers Are Growing Boobs
German soldiers may soon be wearing training bras as part of their regulation battle fatigues. That’s because men in the German military have started to develop breasts as the result of a high intensity training program in which they are forced to slap their battalions repeatedly across the left side of their bodies.
In turn, all of this slappidy-slapping has produced a condition known as one-sided gynecomastia, which has reportedly been found in nearly 75% of all soldiers who have claimed to have growth-oddities in their chest. Man, that’s a whole lot of lop-sided boobies.
Medical experts say this unfortunate occurrence happens when soldiers repeatedly slap their chests with their riffles during drill, and in doing so, create a wicked surge of hormones that ultimately causes a breast to grow on one side of the body.
“There is a very significant link between the activity in the Guard Battalion and the development of the breast on the left side,” says Professor Bjorn Krapohl of the Berlin Military Hospital. “They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor.”
The military fully intends to change the way soldiers are trained if they can prove that their current drill is actually the culprit, according to a military spokesperson. In the meantime, soldiers have been asked to shower with their shirts on – because everyone feels that it is just too weird showering next to a man that looks like he’s had a mastectomy.