Man Busted For Having Sex With a Teddy Bear — FOR THE FOURTH TIME!
As if getting busted beating off with inanimate objects wasn’t bad enough, a Cincinnati man was arrested for a fourth time for public masturbation with a little help from his teddy bear.
Charles Marshall, 28, was arrested last week after employees at a health clinic noticed him giving a teddy bear “the business” in a back alley. We’re guessing he didn’t have the money for a sleazy motel.
According to court records, Marshall has already been convicted three times of engaging in public indecency/disorderly conduct with a teddy bear, which were all misdemeanor counts that resulted in short jail sentences and small fines. It is good to know that alley whacking with stuffed animals isn’t a felony offense in this country.
Marshall was first arrested back in February of 2010, when witnesses saw him humping a teddy bear in the men’s room of a public library.
After being banned from all Hamilton County public libraries, Marshall was arrested again in November 2010 and August 2011 for “masturbating with a stuffed animal” and “masturbating using a teddy bear in a public place where minors were likely to be present.” Why can’t this guy just diddle his teddy bear at home like normal people?
It is unknown whether police confiscated Marshall’s teddy bear during his arrest, but one thing is for sure – we don’t advise squeezing that godforsaken thing very hard.