If you ask us, few things are better than kicking back, putting our legs up, and letting our third leg get some open-air action. If we could be naked all the time, you sure as hell know we would be, and letting our big D’s breathe every once in a while is a normal necessity for most guys. Unless you’re a dude who lives in a man-made cave on top of a mountain in Texas, and you’re parading around the town jungle gym naked for all the townie children to see. Then things might get a little weird.

Chris Redfearn was enjoying a pleasant hike with friends on Sunday morning when he came across a furnished “cave," with signs and other weird stuff in it, but no sign of anyone around. Suddenly, a naked dude jumped out of the cave, and chased them back down the mountain. As ABC 7 claims, “along the path to his cave, dead snakes in a liquid could be found.” All dramatic recollections aside, we're starting to understand this guy. He just wants to have some quality naked time!

Reporters from the station tried to interview the mysterious man, who remained inside of his humble abode, but besides admitting he has lived there for a couple of years, he barely answered their questions.

Sure, we’d get some creep chills if we met this dude, but we also think he’s simply living a grand ole’ life up there on the mountain. You know--eatin' snakes, furnishin' his cave, and scarin' children with his funky junky. Ah, the simple life.