New DNA Gun Tags Criminals to Be Picked Up At a Later Time

An urban menagerie of riotous, alley trollops and pistol-whipping thugs can mean rough business for a local police department without enough personnel to efficiently round up all of the scoundrels in one fell swoop. Luckily for them, there is now a new, high-tech DNA gun to help officers battle the now fallible theory behind strength in numbers.

A security firm in the United Kingdom recently unveiled the SelectaDNA High Velocity System, which simply works by firing a pellet embedded with a definitive DNA fingerprint into a person; and rather than directly incapacitate the suspect, it allows authorities to track him like a bad dog “at a less confrontational time for officers,” according to the company’s website.

So, if I get shot with by one of these Nazi contraptions, how exactly will the cops find me? Apparently, there is a portable ultraviolet light scanner that is used to determine whether you have been tagged with synthetic, criminal DNA. However, it appears as if a person actually has to be caught before authorities can make any assimilation between the person and other crimes he or she may have been a part of – this is not a tracking system.

Representatives from Selectmark say that if the DNA pellets hit a person’s clothing, it will not serve to assist police with identifying suspects. Yet, if the DNA hits the skin, it will remain on the culprit for up to two weeks. That means if any of you boys happen to get hit with this "catch you later" pistol, you might want to consider laying low before committing your next dumb felonious act.