There are just a finite number of things you can do with a hamburger, right? As it turns out, the answer is a big, fat, cholesterol-injected "no."

Introducing the Patriot Burger, a nearly 95,000-calorie creation that features, among other things, apple pie, beer, pizza and supersized regret that comes after you eat it (although we think this guy may be the only one brave enough to give it an ample taste).

Now, can someone once again explain why we have an obesity problem in this country?