Prison Epidemic: DIY Penis Implants
There is a bizarre new phenomenon gaining some momentum in correctional facilities around the world that supersedes all other twisted anomalies commonly found in the underworld of the prison system; even toilet ripple.
Rather than treating the occasional infection from a bad jailhouse tattoo, medical officials say that they have been noticing an increasing number of infections due to prisoners undergoing DIY penis implant surgery – and it is becoming a widespread epidemic.
Researchers from the University of New South Wales’ Kirby Institute recently conducted a survey to help determine the sexual risk factors that were alive and kicking inside Australian prisons. What they found was that a large percentage of inmates admitted to having implanted a foreign object underneath the skin of their penis while in prison -- 6% of all convicts confessed to having this procedure done. Wow! We knew you could get your GED in prison but we had no idea they had a Urology program.
While it is not known for sure why prisoners would opt to have this painful and dangerous procedure done, researchers suggest a connection to the philosophies of Kama Sutra and are either intended to heighten sexual pleasure or, more frighteningly, inflict pain on their adversaries while giving them the old back door tour of the Shawshank Redemption.
So what exactly are prisoners inserting under their penile skin? Well, health officials say they have seen objects, such as melted toothpaste caps, buttons, dice and deodorant roller balls used as makeshift beads – the implants themselves are referred to as Yakuza beads and speed bumps.
Researchers found that this phenomenon was increasingly popular among the Asian prison population, which makes sense, since penile implants have been a part of the Asian prison culture since the 18th century. In the 1980s, similar research found that nearly 22% of all Japanese prisoners had penile implants; the practice then rapidly spread throughout Russia and Eastern Europe, where the implants were sometimes referred to as sputniks.
The study found that men with penis implants were more susceptible to the ways of prostitution, wore body piercings and had tattoos, and were likely to have engaged in a sexual encounter with at least one other prisoner – yet, none of the men in the survey claimed to be homosexual.
Researchers attribute this and other unusual prison behaviors mostly to boredom, which doesn't explain that much; we’ve never been quite bored enough to perforate our wieners and fill the with jewels, beans, or jungle ivory. Then again, we also don't drink booze made in toilets, and our biggest fear in the shower is that we might get a little soap in our pee hole.