8 People We’re Still Friends With — But Have No Idea Why
In life, there are many different kinds of relationships: best friends, lovers, acquaintances, co-workers, buddies; each one with it’s own purpose. Sometimes, though, these relationships seem to stick around long after they’ve run their course, and we have no clue why. Ever had any friends like these?
The Childhood Friend We Have Nothing in Common With
When we were kids, we had tons in common: we both loved Power Rangers, going swimming and eating Fluffernutters until we vomited. Now, we couldn’t be any more different: We watch The Walking Dead, they watch Glee, they eat organic food, we subsist almost exclusively on Hungry Man meals. Somehow, the strength of our friendship from 20 years ago still makes us feel obligated to get together, but it’s always kind of depressing when we do.
The College Friend We Have Nothing in Common With
Man, we could live on beer alone back in the day, couldn’t we? Now, he’s still stuck in the post-frat life and we’re thinking about our future family and have a stable career. Without fail, though, when we get together we devolve into our college persona for the weekend, drink Keystone, play Halo and eat Ramen noodles. On Sunday we emerge malnourished, hungover and significantly stupider.
The Co-worker From a Job We Don’t Work at Anymore
We shared a bond as Best Buy
indentured servants associates, but now we have absolutely nothing to talk about except work memories. God, remember that jerk-hole regional manager, or the hot chick who worked in the car stereo department? What was that girl’s name again? Man, and that sweet employee discount we used to get in lieu of an income that put us above the poverty line? Those were the days. Actually, come to think of it, you’re still working there, aren’t you? Annnnnnnd now we’re depressed.
The Friend Who Never Has Any Money
Duuuuuuude, how do you never have any money? How do you survive? The only thing we can ever do when we hang out is get a $5 pie from Little Caesar’s and play video games. Actually, that sounds kind of awesome. We’ll be over in a few.
The Fair Weather Friend
You know, somewhere along the line we realized what kind of person you are, and although it took time to accept it, we’re finally o.k. with the fact that no matter how much effort we put into our friendship, you will put in much less. However, you throw awesome parties with great top-shelf liquor, so we will continually forgive you.
Seriously, we are trying to move on, we even got back on OKCupid. So, how come we keep getting sucked back into your life? Whatever happened to making a clean split? Stop being so sexy, dammit. You’re bad for our health.
The Friend Who Disappears When He Has a Girlfriend
When you’re single you’re all about bro’ing down, but when you have a girl we hear nary a peep from you for months on end. Are you really incapable of having friends and a girlfriend at the same time? And when you and your girl are ready to get married, do you plan on eloping and colonizing the moon so that you can be alone with each other for the rest of time? That sounds really romantic now, but remember: the moon doesn’t have PS3.
The Friend Who is Always in Crisis
Can’t you ever extract yourself from the BS-storm your life has turned into? You won’t listen to reason, you complain more than anyone else we know and you ruminate on things that aren’t a big deal. Remind us again why we still hang out? Oh, that’s right: because you have a movie theater in your basement. God, that’s awesome. Are you around Friday?