Man Explains He Wasn’t Pleasuring Himself In Public, After Being Caught Pleasuring Himself In Public

The gorgeous fall weather has everyone heading outdoors for one last burst of sunshine before Old Man Winter brings months of chilly air. Especially five-time convicted flashers looking to get a touch of color on his fun cannon so it’s not as pale for the occasional mid-January peek-a-boos.

Tracy J. McDonald was out enjoying the weather in Seattle with his pants around his ankles when a 23-year-old woman walking her dog complained to police. Apparently, McDonald was trying to make some homemade sunblock, which is a no-no in just about every public place in the world.

Cops show up, McDonald explains he was “just getting some sun” and this is all one big misunderstanding. It was a tough sell from the start.

“He said he was getting ‘some sun,’” the arresting officer explained in court. “There was absolutely no sun where he was standing.”

Well, everyone knows you don’t stand naked in the direct sun. No man wants a burnt pee-pee. Proper form is to stand in a semi-shaded area, preferably near young women or a mildly attractive teacup Pomeranian.

McDonald remains in jail on $50,000 bail, probably worried about covering up a different part of the body where the sun doesn’t shine.

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