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12 Things That Will Ruin a Bachelor Party

Bachelor Party

A bachelor party is supposed to be a night of debauchery with a groom enjoying the last vestiges of freedom before he voluntarily hands over his identity, independence and bank account to a woman intent on changing him.

So, it stands to reason that a bachelor party needs to be a kick-ass sendoff to the world of matrimony. Sometimes, however, things don’t always go as planned. Here are some ways a bachelor party can be ruined.

Dance Moms

You skip the strip club for a ‘Dance Moms’ marathon on Lifetime.





You pack your cooler with only the essentials — Zima, a copy of John Tesh’s ‘Live at Red Rocks’ and a morning after pill.





You hire a stripper who has so much pubic hair it looks like she’s got Zach Galifianakis’ head in a leg lock.




Woman Cake

Your future mother-in-law pops out of the cake.




Boys Don't Cry

Your best man reveals he had a sex change and that he used to be your ex-girlfriend.




Man Cake

Your future father-in-law pops out of the cake. With an erection.




Guy Twerk

There’s twerking. By other dudes.





One word: sharknado.




Stretch Marks

You catch with gonorrhea simply by looking at a stripper with stretch marks longer than the Eastern seaboard.





The Westboro Baptist Church thinks your fiancée looks like a man, so it shows up to protest.





In a moment of clarity you realize how big a mistake you’re about to make and decide that instead of marriage, you’d rather escape to something less stressful, like a timeshare in Fallujah.




Female Escort

Instead of blowing your last $5 in a casino, you blow it on a high priced hooker and her bodyguard who has an itchy punching hand




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