10 Songs That Ruin Every Sporting Event
There is nothing more cliché than the average sports arena’s soundtrack.
For years, fans have been forced to listen to the same irritating musical drivel, covering their ears while watching their teams squander yet another late game lead (well, that’s what Mets fans do, at least). As a way of reclaiming our sanity, we’ve gathered 10 of the worst auditory offenders and forced them to answer for their crimes. Arm yourselves with knowledge, sports fans.
“Gettin’ Jiggy With It”
Listen, we love Will Smith. He’s a seriously talented actor, and most of us were practically raised by ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.’ Still, we’re pretty sure that Will himself would agree that most of his music sucked. “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” still haunts sports arenas around the globe and makes “Miami” sound like an all-time classic by comparison.
“U Can’t Touch This”
It’s hard to imagine that “U Can’t Touch This” managed to catapult MC Hammer to worldwide fame. For some reason, stadiums still seem to have a nostalgic attraction to the 1990 hit, but all we can think about are those ridiculous parachute pants.
It pains us to say this, but “Sweet Caroline” sucks. Sure, we know all the words. We may have even belted out the lyrics a few more times than we’d care to admit. But the fact that teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Rangers have co-opted this classic to celebrate their many, many victories has made it unbearable. Sorry, Neil Diamond.
John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” has been pestering fans of America’s national pastime since 1985. If you’re planning on catching a game this spring, expect to hear this whiny benchwarmer’s ballad at least two or three times. Look on the bright side — you only have to hear it for one night. Pro ballplayers have to hear it every single day.
“Whoomp! (There It Is)”
Poor “Whoomp! (There It Is)” — its only crime is familiarity. There was a time when Tag Team’s infamous sports ballad held a special place in our hearts, especially after its appearance on the original “Jock Jams” album (which is definitely still in your car). Now, all we have is a broken heart and bleeding eardrums.
“Final Countdown” is usually played during a game’s most tense moments, and we’ll never forgive it for that. How many times have you heard this song with 10 seconds left, only to see your favorite team’s point guard shoot an air ball as time expired? Shame on you, “Final Countdown.” You’ve been jinxing us for years.
Remember Smashmouth? As sports fans, we don’t really have a choice. The lyrics of “All Star” make it an obvious choice for arena music; they also appear to have been written by a third-grader. Stick to making music for the latest Shrek soundtrack, Smashmouth — sports fans around the world thank you, in advance.
“We Like To Party”
We know you’ve tried to suppress any and all memories of the Vengaboys. Hell, we have, too. Sadly, “We Like To Party” seems destined to pop up between innings for all eternity. The often-blurry line between “up-tempo stadium jam” and “psychological torture” has never been harder to see.
“Who Let The Dogs Out?”
It’s hard to believe that it’s been nearly 15 years since the Baha Men cursed humanity with this affront to music. Aside from its infuriatingly repetitive lyrics, “Who Let The Dogs Out?” makes “Gangnam Style” seem downright underplayed. Whomever decided that this song would work well during sporting events should be arrested immediately.
“Take Me Out To The Ball Game”
“Take Me Out To The Ball Game” is the sonic version of the friend that kills all of your inside jokes. There’s something to be said for tradition, but this baseball-themed “classic” is straight-up played out. By the time the 7th- inning stretch rolls around, most of us are too full of cheap beer and nachos to even contemplate standing up, let alone singing along with thousands of strangers.