7 Reasons Getting a Lift From Superman Probably Isn’t as Awesome as it Sounds
The big news coming from last week’s Comic-Con was that the Man of Steel and the Caped Crusader will finally share the big screen.
It will be fun to see how the movie handles the two heroes, especially since one has a huge advantage over the other in the “super ability” department. (Think Black Widow and Captain America doing somersaults all over the street in ‘The Avengers’ while the other heroes did most of the work in the skies above.)
Inevitably, there will be a scene with Superman giving Batman a lift. Trust us. Also trust us when we say that getting a ride from the Man of Steel would suck for anybody.
Here are seven reasons why Superman is a horrible mode of transportation.
It’s a Little Embarrassing For Other Heroes
It’s a kick to the superhero ego to need a lift from another hero. Especially if you’re a man.
“No, it’s fine, the Bat-Wing is parked out front. I don’t need a…Ugh, I hate when we do this.”
If You’re Kid, It Will Involve a Lecture
Doing something dumb as a kid always involves a lecture from adults, but Superman goes above and beyond the words of wisdom, since he’s Mr. Truth and Justice in a pair of undies. At least when parents drag on about “knowing better” you can zone out. If you’re flying with Superman, he pretty much has your undivided attention.
And After the Lecture, Comes the Beating
“Are you safe? Oh, my baby, are you safe? Yes? Good. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! You’ve RUINED our trip to Niagara Falls! Everyone is looking at us now. We’re sending you to military school.”
It Means You Were Moments From Dying
It’s hard to enjoy the ride when, oh right, you almost just died.
It Can’t Be Good For the Human Body
Think of how your body feels when flying on a plane — stomach does turns, your ears plug and pop every second, and you just don’t feel right for an hour or so after the flight. That’s what happens when you’re surrounded by a ton of steel. What does it feel like to be a million miles off the ground in just your Oxford shirt for protection?
If You’re a Criminal, You’re Already at a Huge Disadvantage…
Superman’s only move should be to lift people off the ground. They are immediately powerless. It’s like the first time you took a swing at your old man and he grabbed you by the arm and hung you out the second floor bedroom window. Kidding. You never met your dad.
…And Then it’s Right To Prison
No legal system hijinks for the Man of Steel. You go right to jail. No jury. No “innocent until proven guilty.” Right to maximum security prison where they already have a spot waiting.