The 20 Worst Movies to Watch on an Airplane
You’re moments into a three-hour flight when the captain comes on the intercom and explains that the use of approved electronics is now allowed. You don’t feel like reading a book or a magazine — there’s WiFi on this flight — and you feel like watching a movie.
Now, all that’s left to do is decide what on the movie. Finding the perfect in-flight movie is not as easy as it sounds. You have flight attendants roaming the aisles, passengers heading to and from the bathroom, neighbors who want to chat, and children who love nothing more than to sneak peeks at whatever you’re watching. The point is you won’t be watching the movie alone.
If you keep the following movies, and types of movies, in mind when making your decision, you should be all set. Here are the 20 worst movies to watch on an airplane.
Any Movie With A Hijacking
This feels pretty obvious. You don’t want to watch a movie, even one with Halle Berry in it, that has to do with a hijacking. Terrible idea.
Any Movie Known For Its Special Effects
I mean, besides the fact that this movie sucked (sorry all both fans of the movie reading this), the main selling point here is its special effects. And you’ll be watching this on a laptop or tablet. Makes zero sense as an option. Plus, again, it really did suck.
Any Movie Your 7-Year Old Niece Calls Her Favorite
Sure this is a great movie, but if you’re anything like me, a 30-year-old man without children, choosing, of all the movies out there, an animated kids film, well, that says something about you. That you’re creepy. If you choose the same movie my 7-year-old niece calls her favorite, it says that you’re creepy.
Any Movie About Serial Killers
Speaking of creepy, definitely don’t be that guy who chose to watch a biopic about a serial killer on a plane full of people.
Any Movie In the ‘Twilight’ Series
Again, this comes down to the fact that I’m a grown man and not 16-year-old babysitter named Chloe.
Any Movie With Sex Scenes or Nudity
I mean, who doesn’t like intense sex scenes with graphic nudity in the movies they’re watching? Mothers on planes with babies on their laps, that’s who! Also, this movie is a giant trash bag of suck.
Any Movie That’s Controversial
My goal on every flight is to avoid any conversation whatsoever. This is also my goal in everyday life. Choosing a controversial religious movie such as this does the opposite of that. People love talking about controversies and you will definitely have someone who’ll want your opinion of this when you’re done watching it. So, don’t watch it. Also, this is super tough to watch, so that’s another reason.
Any Movie That’s Very Political
Same thought here as choosing a religious movie. Just say no to anything that could spark a conversation.
Any Movie With Subtitles
I don’t really speak any foreign languages so choosing a film with subtitles is like choosing to read a book. However, if you do speak a foreign language then ignore this suggestion and congrats on being cooler than I am.
Any Movie That’s Too Heavy
This is, easily, one of the top five greatest films of all-time. But this is a suuuuper heavy film to watch on a flight. Plus, if you’re watching this on a flight, it means this is either “A” your first time seeing it, which is crazy because you’re going to be watching it on a tiny screen. Or, “B” your second time seeing it, which is also crazy because how are you watching this for a second time?
Any Movie That’s Violent or Gruesome
There’s a ton of blood in this one. In fact, there’s a ton of blood in all the “Saw” films. So, unless you want to give some random kid who steals a look at your screen nightmares the rest of his life, I would pass on these kinds of films.
Any Movie That Makes You Sob Like A Baby
Look, I’m not made of steel. When Jack plunges into that icy water, I sob like a baby. Not a good look to be that guy who’s crying a plane.
Any Movie With Heavy Drug Use
Holy crap this movie is insane. I wouldn’t want to watch this in the privacy of my own home, let alone on a plane.
Any Movie About Deadly Infectious Diseases
If I saw this movie on a plane and heard even one cough or sneeze, I would absolutely lose my mind.
Any Movie About a Magical Pair Of Pants
I would 100% rather stare at the back of the seat in front of me for three hours than watch even five minutes of this movie or its sequel. But, you know, that’s just me.
Any Movie That Didn’t Even Make It To Theaters
There has to be a better movie out there for you to see than one that went straight-to-DVD. I just feel like you’re better than this.
Any Movie You Have To Pay Really Close Attention To
At least for me, there’s just way too many distractions on a plane. Anytime I watch a movie on one, I’m really only paying attention like 80% of the time, so, something like this, just doesn’t make sense for me. It’s still a great movie though. Definitely worth watching at home with zero distractions.
Any Movie That’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show
This is not a movie to see on a plane. This is a movie to see in a theater at midnight with a crowd of faithful fans after you’ve had like four drinks. And while I’m not a fan of the whole experience, I can at least appreciate how much people seem to love it.
Any Movie That Could Scar a Child For Life If They Caught a Glimpse
Holy crap can you imagine some innocent little kid looking over at your laptop and seeing a big gnarly dog trying to eat someone’s face off?! Have fun with that.
Any Movie With A Plane Crash
This is a giant duh. I can’t think of anything worse than watching a movie about a plane crash while flying on a plane. Except, maybe, my high school reunion. Wow, did that suck. But, still. You definitely want to steer clear (pun intended) of any movie with a plane crash in it.
Brett Ryland has written for various film and television, most notably on CBS’ ‘2 Broke Girls’ and Disney’s ‘Day In the Life.’ Originally from Cleveland, Ohio, Brett now resides in Los Angeles and is well aware that he probably won’t outlive the ‘Fast & the Furious’ franchise. You can follow Brett on Twitter at @brettryland.