The Muscle — Legion of Dudes
Every guy knows that sometimes the night can get a little out of control. As you and your crew make its way from place to place, there will be times when a challenge will present itself. Fights are a rite of passage for most dudes: as you mature, you learn to get into fewer of them. Until then, though, you better have someone by your side who can throw down when the need arises.
That’s where The Muscle comes in. He’s the guy who is watching out for you when you’ve decided to take a run at getting the phone number of that bartender with a jealous boyfriend…who just happens to be at the end of the bar. Which one of these guys would you choose as The Muscle?
Do you think people would be intimidated by The Rock? It doesn’t matter what you think! Sure, Dwayne Johnson has gotten a little older and is more often seen on the silver screen than in the wrestling ring these days, but he’s still a 6’5″ ass-kicking machine who played defensive line at the University of Miami before dominating the WWE.
Not only can The Rock humble enemies with his size, strength and wrestling skills, but the fast-talking, wise-cracking grappler turned actor can humiliate them with a verbal flurry of put-downs, insults and disses that might make them tap out before anyone even needs to use muscle.
New England Patriots All-Pro tight end Rob Gronkowski is as dangerous off the field as he is on it. Still a big, silly kid, the 24-year-old “Gronk” terrorizes night clubs and college campuses with a 24-7 party spirit.
At 6’6″ and blessed with the physique of a Greek god, Gronkowski is capable of tossing NFL linebackers and defensive ends aside, so there is no question about his capability to have your back in a fight. Your only real chance of getting knocked unconscious when Gronk’s around is if he drinks you under the table. Which he would.
If you’re going to get into a dust-up, who better to have in your crew than the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world? UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva looks dangerous enough that one of his glances might break someone’s nose. This Brazilian master of Muay Thai, Jiu-Jitsu, Tae Kwon Do and Judo has a menacing presence tantamount to a tiger stalking its prey. If Silva is part of your inner circle, no sane person will challenge you.
As the man behind the Insanity workout videos, Shaun Thompson is quite possibly the most fit person in America. How serious is Shaun T about staying fit, trim and chiseled? He helped develop Insanity in part because the grueling P90X regimen didn’t work fast enough. Think about that. With abs that seem nearly impossible to achieve, Shaun T’s level of fitness makes him a must-have in any Legion of Dudes, even if it’s just for motivational purposes. It’s hard to look at Shaun T’s physique and think: “Yeah, I am going to have another plate of chicken wings.
With his stone-faced scowl, shaved head and square jaw, Jason Statham looks the part of the guy whom no one wants to mess with. Statham has a key element that always comes in handy in the urban jungle: craziness. If we were to find out that, much like his character in the 2006 film ‘Crank,’ Statham often did crazy things to keep his adrenaline pumping, it would come as no surprise. It always helps to have a dude in your group willing to attempt something no one else will.
At 6’9″ and 419-pounds, Icelandic strongman Hafthor Bjornsson is one of the most intimidating people in the world. While Bjornsson may be only the world’s third strongest man, nothing on two legs possesses an equivalent combination of size and strength as “The Icelander.” Plus, unlike ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ actor Tom Hardy, Bjornsson actually looks like the super-villain Bane without the need of any costume, makeup or CGI. That means even if Batman happens to challenge you, you’re pretty well covered.
Admittedly, UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre wouldn’t intimidate many people who didn’t already know him, but that’s the point of having him around. Some yutz might think they could start something with St-Pierre because he looks like the most vulnerable dude in your group. Heh, heh, heh. Imagine their surprise when GSP is beating them on the head with their own foot?
GSP isn’t just one of the best MMA fighters on the planet, he’s a well-spoken guy who is as comfortable at a cocktail party as he is at a UFC spectacle.
Blessed with almost superhero-like size, strength and speed, Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt is a monster of a man at 6’5″ and 295 pounds. A supreme athlete who excels at nearly every sport he tries, Watt has a 37″ vertical leap, which he used to knock down 16 passes in 2012. He’s King Kong in football cleats.
Watt has also been known to date models and attract throngs of women. These are good qualities for anyone in your social circle to possess. If J.J. Watt is one of your dudes, people aren’t going to even think about giving you grief.
Fight fans know that UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones isn’t just an incredibly skilled mixed martial artist who can strike, grapple and apply submission holds, but he’s also one of the toughest dudes in the world.
During his title defense against Chael Sonnen at UFC 159, Jones suffered a broken toe that had become so damaged that it pierced through the skin, yet Jones won the fight easily. While Jones is a little lankier than most of the other muscled up dudes, he is also just 25 years old, so he has room to develop — a possibility that should scare every fighter in UFC.
Currently confined to the roster of the doomed Miami Marlins, power-hitting outfielder Giancarlo Stanton can launch baseballs over (and through) fences, walls and scoreboards. Stanton is a nearly perfect physical specimen at 6’5″ and a sculpted 240 pounds.
At 23, Stanton is also a perfect age for discovering the bar and club scene, making him an exceptionally versatile member of the Legion of Dudes. He can be your wing man and bodyguard.