Well guys, the jig is up!

The federal government is now challenging the legitimacy of American impotency by investigating a near 500 percent increase in Medicare payments for penis pumps over the last decade.

According to the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the annual spending on pecker erector sets has gone up from $7.2 million in 2000 to over $36 million within the last year. That is one heck of a boner budget, America!

Yet, over the past four years, fraud investigators have contested over $8 million in disbursements made for Bonercare, which includes claims made by two Florida entrepreneurs who collected nearly $30,000 for 75 peter inflators allegedly sold to both male and female Medicare patients. (Note: Never get involved with a woman who owns her own penis pump.)

One pump supplier in Illinois purchased cut-rate sex-toy grade penis enhancement kits from online dealers, marked them up nearly 11 times more than what he paid, and then shipped them to diabetic Medicare patients who never asked for them. While we do not believe that pumping up the old walrus is beneficial for diabetics, you have to admit, getting a surprise penis pumper in the mail would be pretty cool.

In reference to “peter tackle,” Medicare classifies it as durable medical equipment – the same as it does for other items like walkers, bedpans and colostomy bags, as long as they are deemed “medically necessary” by a physician.

With the average cost of a penis expansion kit being around $338, the problem appears to be that while this method of treating erectile dysfunction is the only treatment paid for by Medicare, there simply aren’t enough credible penis pump dealers out there to keep it an honest industry.

Incidentally, the federal government is coming down hard on those culprits found guilty of defrauding the Bonercare system. Individuals are receiving as much as three years in federal prison -- a place where the only thing being pumped is, well, you get the idea.