Cutting the grass in the heat of summer is a torture worse than a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon. It would be easier to either let the stuff grow as high as possible or just kill it all with a handy can of gasoline. You're never hosting an MLS soccer game on your front lawn, so what's the point of even having nice grass? For show? No thanks.

The picture above is either some cruel joke or the most genius idea in lawn service since a couple sentences ago when we had the idea to just kill every blade. This top-heavy young lady can mow our lawn any day. We will do the same in return. She can have it any way she wants it -- mowed bald, long and strong or cut into an arrow. We'll even find a spot to put our green thumb.

If you think we're still talking about grass you haven't been reading this website for very long or all that time in the sun cutting grass has damaged your already small brain.