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This Man Got Busted Having Sex With a Donkey

Everett Compton
Benton County Detention Center

This guy wanted a piece of ass.

Police in Siloam Springs, Ark. arrested a man last month for having sex with a family’s donkey. Not his family’s donkey, mind you, but somebody else’s because only a monster would defile his own own family’s pet donkey, right?

Cops cuffed Everett Compton, 49, after the family spotted him on surveillance camera doing the wild thing with the animal.

Compton initially denied the charge, but eventually confessed to the copulation.

The Whitaker family had noticed something was amiss for the last month and even got the police to step up its patrol in the area, but failed to find any sort of criminal act — until the video proved Compton was making sweet, sweet love to a creature most immortalized in the Shrek movies.

“It just made me sick to my stomach,” Joyce Whitaker said. “To know that she couldn’t tell nobody and that she was having to go through this and she couldn’t tell nobody.”

Compton, who initially told police he was merely feeding carrots to donkeys on the property, changed his tune when confronted with the visual evidence and claims he smoked a lot of marijuana, which makes him do “sick things.” He also vowed to get help if he wasn’t charged with having sex with a donkey because, hey, we all know that when a guy who boinks a donkey says something he means it.

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