Unload Your Tax Refund Check at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch
While the American economy still remains slumped over from having its colon savagely plunged atop purple mountains and amber waves of grain, the bunnies at a Nevada brothel say they are going to do their best to stimulate Uncle Sam’s package by letting the citizens of this great country unload their tax refunds on them.
Moonlight Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof says that he is going to help give back to America through his new stimulus program, which allows brothel patrons to bring in their government-issued checks to be redeemed for “bunny bucks” worth double the value of their tax refund. That means if Uncle Sam sends you $500, Uncle Dennis will give you $1000.
"I'm just trying to give back,” said Hof. "America is so messed up, I'm trying to stimulate the economy a little bit, and these guys need stimulation too."
While some tax check recipients may already have plans to do things like pay bills, put a down payment on a car or even plan a vacation with their return, Hof says that spending that money on legalized prostitution helps stimulate the economy just the same.
"The girls make the money and they spend it at businesses, which helps them," he said. "I make the money and then I hire people who spend more. “ It just keeps that money moving."
And just in case you need help filing your tax returns this year, the Bunny Ranch has a few qualified prostitutes on staff with accounting backgrounds that, unlike the typical tax accountant, can help find you additional deductions and a pulsing erection at the same time. "Some guys want me naked and some want me to keep my clothes on," said Krissy Summers. "Some like the secretary look."
Hof says he's watched for for years as people spend their Social Security checks at the ranch, so why no give them an opportunity to spend their tax checks as well. "People would say to me, I worked all my life and now the government's getting me laid," said Hof. "So I thought, well you know what, if they're looking for something to do with their tax refund checks, why not come here? We'll leave the red light on for you."
Man, rapid refunds and tax check sex - we love this country!