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Woman Arrested For Falling Asleep ‘Spread Eagle’ On Front Porch

Photo courtesy of Polk County Jail

Few of us would mind if a woman — accidentally locked out onto her front porch naked — decided to take the opportunity to “get some sun” and happened to fall asleep in a “compromising” position.  That is, until we learn that the narcoleptic tanning nude is a 56-year-old woman. 

Officers found Michelle Knutson of St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin “completely naked with her legs open exposing her genitals to passing cars and pedestrian traffic,” according to a police report.  She claimed to have been walking around naked (a common practice for her) and wandered out onto her porch, not realizing the door was locked. She blames her husband though he claims he had nothing to do with the whole situation.

The responding officer noted a number of items on the porch including a towel with which she could have covered herself and, oh yeah, that fact that the back door was unlocked. Knutson seemed intoxicated and refused a breath test.  She was arrested on suspicion of lewd/lascivious behavior and later released.

So ladies, the lesson is: if you’re ever drunk and naked and you can’t come in the front, always try the back door.

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