Woman Offers Stripteases at Busy Intersection

Early Sunday morning, church-goers in Uniontown, PA were surprised to see something other than cornfields and cows on the side of their rural roads.  Witnesses were outraged by the 35-year-old, reporting to cops the woman was flagging down cars at an intersection, offering to bear her lady bits for some cash.

Listen, we know the whole getting naked in public thing isn’t exactly supported by mainstream society, but we think these Uniontowners need to be honest with themselves. First, there’s no way the passersby weren’t slightly intrigued by the prospect of a little pre-mass boob action. Second, they can’t deny that offering to bear it all at a busy intersection is a great business strategy. More people = more naked nipples = more money. Even KDKA 2 News called the stripper’s actions "entrepreneurial" and we couldn’t agree more.

So maybe Hatter was allegedly on something before this all took place, but we have to hand it to the lady, she got out of bed before 8AM on a Sunday just to make a buck. At that time of the morning we’re still trying to get that wall-eyed girl from the bar last night out of our beds at that hour so we can sleep off those seven Jack and Coke’s in a peaceful slumber. Just kidding, that only happened once. We think.

Unfortunately, local police officials didn’t share our view on roadside naked time, so the woman was arrested and put in the slammer, where she remains today.