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8 Career Options For Wooderson From ‘Dazed and Confused’

Wooderson GraphicBack in 1993, Matthew McConaughey portrayed a character in ‘Dazed and Confused’ who instantly become everyone’s favorite stoner — David Wooderson.

As creepy as he was with underage women, Wooderson somehow had a certain likability. While he was cool to high schoolers at the time, eventually he was going to have to get a job.

Here are eight career options that we could see David Wooderson pursuing — with as little enthusiasm as possible.


Sign Star
1

Sign Spinner

 
 

Sign spinners get to sit outside all day and talk to ladies as they pass by. While it may not be the most glamorous job, it would pay enough to get a little beer money, put gas in his car, and I'm willing to bet that there is very little drug testing in the sign spinning industry. Just keep an eye out for burn holes in the signs.

 
Weed Critic
2

Marijuana Critic

 
 

A Denver man has Wooderson's dream job. He gets to try every strain of marijuana from dispensaries in the state and then write a review telling what he thinks about it. What better job for a stoner than to be a professional stoner? Overtime is no problem. Willing to work weekends. Even volunteering for work while on vacation. You couldn't ask for a better employee.

 
Funny Tutor Sign
3

Accent Neutralization Tutor

 
 

Ever heard of a paid accent reducer? Basically what you do is sit around and talk with someone from a foreign country who uses English as a second language. When they pronounce something incorrectly, you tell them the proper way to say it. Well all right, all right, all right.

 
Line Sitter
4

Line Sitter

 
 

In what may be the ultimate stoner, slacker job, there are people who get paid to wait in line for others. When the iPhone 5 came out there were some who wanted it but didn't want to camp out. In comes the line sitters who made up to $150 per day just hanging out and waiting. Get a group of your friends together and you're basically getting paid to hang out.

 
Mystery Shopper
5

Mystery Shopper

 
 

It may seem like a scam, but mystery shopping is a legit job. You get paid to go into a store, shop, and then tell someone about your experience. Some have claimed to have made thousands of dollars through mystery shopping but even if he only made a few hundred bucks a month, that's enough for drugs, snacks, and a flat iron to keep that illustrious hair looking amazing.

 
Process Server
6

Process Server

 
 

As Seth Rogen proved in 'Pineapple Express', this is an excellent job for stoners. If you aren't familiar, here's the average day of a process server. Wooderson could spend all day in his car, which is what he does anyway.

 
Blogger
7

Blogger

 
 

Wooderson would have an amazing blog. Imagine this guy just writing about his day to day experiences and memoirs. Not only could he be high while doing this job, but some top blogs make over $100,000 per month. Do you know how much you could trick out a 1970 Chevelle SS making six figures per month?

 
Tropical Island Job
8

Island Caretaker

 
 

I honestly can't believe this is an actual job, but not only is it real, but it pays up to $150,000. The requirements include taking pictures and writing about your experience while lying on the beach, swimming with dolphins, and live in a resort. That's the best part about tropical islands, you get older, and they keep staying the same age.

 

NEXT: The 20 Dumbest Twitter Reactions to the ‘Breaking Bad’ Premiere

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