8 Mistakes Not To Make On The First Day of Work
The first day of work sucks, if we can be forthright. Everyone knows this. At least, most people who have worked before do. Usually you’re nervous; you’re sweaty; you’re overcompensating for what you believe to be overtly obvious weaknesses and insecurities. It’s an abhorrent nightmare that we all have to go through at some point. Regardless of the worries, you can surely find solace in the fact that you’re not alone.
Now, if you have a new job and you're fearing the first day will be an awkward-filled hell, the chances are … yeah, it probably will be. However, to help those in need, we’ve put together this list of mistakes not to make on the first day of work in order for you to better settle into what will hopefully be a long lasting position ... unless the job blows.
Let’s just say that if you’re late on the first day of work you might as well not even park the car. As a matter of fact, just drive past the parking lot and go back home, slacker. They don’t want you. So turn around, go home, have a cup of coffee and hit up Craigslist for another position you’ll ultimately hate. The truth is, if you were late, you probably didn’t really want the job anyway.
Parking In The Boss's Spot
Amateur mistake. Your nerves are running rampant at the ominous look of the towering building you’re approaching that is your new place of employment. Because you’re too busy trying not to urinate on yourself while thinking about the yet-to-have-happened events going through your head, you don’t even notice you’ve parked in a spot that is clearly marked for the company’s head honcho. Not a good start to the day!
Making An Inappropriate Joke
We understand it’s the first day and you want to make a good impression. "Hey, I’m cool. I’m fun. Like me! Please? Here’s a joke to help!" Well, tone down the funnies, pal. You’re not a comedian hanging with a bunch of comics. You’re a new guy in an office filled with people who have known each other for years. If you go into it making a joke that’s too quickly over the line it might give the group the wrong idea.
Hitting On People
We think this one is probably more so for the guys. Having male sex organs can be a drag for both genders. Guys, we totally get that you’re dying to find new women to sleep with, but we can assure you that the office is not the place to begin your quest. Seriously, it’s absolutely one of the worst things you can do in an office environment, especially on the first day.
Taking Too Long In The Bathroom
This is just embarrassing. Everyone knows that you’ve been gone for 20 minutes, pal. As good as ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’ is, we doubt you stayed in there just to see how Lisbeth Salander is going to save her lover’s life.
The office bathroom situation is awkward in and of itself. If you establish yourself as "the bathroom guy" on your first day, get ready to relive high school all over again.
Do yourself a favor and don’t get caught up in the office drama that is destined to happen. Anytime you get from 10 to 50 people in a room together, there is going to be horror. She won’t like him; he finds her attractive; she finds him creepy; and so on and so on. So here’s a tip: should you unfortunately find yourself stumbling upon some office gossip, kindly step yourself out of it.
Wanting to jump in on office gossip is relatable and understandable. It’s driven by need for us to be liked around new people. What better way to accomplish that than to say something both funny and degrading about someone else behind his or her back? Well, try to fight against that urge. We understand it’s hard but still, give it a shot. People may find you off-putting at first, but that’s only because they’re insecure.
So you don’t feel like talking crap about Jim, the guy who smells like he’s had beef jerky under his arms for 25 years. Seriously, Jim will thank you for it in the future.
If you’re new to an office, you’ve got to attempt to make friends. As per the tradition of school, lunch is the opportune time to do so. Therefore, try not to seclude yourself and get labeled as a recluse. Be confident; ask questions; all of that self-help stuff.
Reclusion is no fun for anyone. It’s depressing for you. It’s just awkward for them. People are trying to eat and there sits this troll-like troglodyte at the other end of the table with his ham sandwich. The only things that can spawn are nasty comments behind your back and rumors that you’re asexual.
Acting Too Clingy
On the flip side of secluding yourself comes being too clingy. Don’t do it! In the process of making friends on your first day, you don’t necessarily want people to think that you need their friendship. You’ve got a life outside of your job -- hopefully -- so try not to rely too heavily on your work relationships to give you all of the satisfaction that life has to offer. Wow, that was deep!