You wanna smell like a flowery meadow? You want to use a product named after a bird they release at weddings? Fine. Keep using your girlfriend's stuff. But if you want to smell like a man, and use a soap with no other purpose then to kick the crap outta dirt, then you're man enough for Duke Cannon's Big Ass Brick of Soap.

Duke makes soaps for men. Real men. Men who build things with their hands. Men who don't care about the delectable new Moscato you just discovered. Men who have no idea what that previous sentence even means.

Duke's bricks are huge, three-quarter-pound chunks of grime-fighting ammunition, made just like the soap your granddad used when he was scrubbing off pieces of Commies back in the Korean War. In fact, they're actually made in the same factory that made his.

Packed with steel-cut grains for "maximum grip-ability," Cannon's bricks only come two ways: Green, smelling like Victory, and Black, that smells like Accomplishment. (That is if "accomplishment" had the aroma of black pepper and bergamot, and evoked "the feeling of drinking a fine scotch in a wood-paneled den." Which it does.)

This holiday season Duke wants to make sure you're armed with enough Big Ass Bricks to tackle man-sized filth. So he's put together a Holiday Pack, stuffing 3 bricks of black and 2 bricks of green into a genuine, watertight, military ammo can. Along with a flat-head screwdriver. Why a flat-head screwdriver? WHY THE $%&@ NOT?

The Holiday Packs are limited edition, so secure yours before they're all gone. Because remember, men, dirt never takes a holiday.