Watch the Scientology Super Bowl Commercial That Didn’t Air

It seems that while Scientologists are busy searching for the secrets of existence, the rest of the free world is still wondering why they spent $8 million during the Super Bowl to bring the vague message of their Hollywood thrill cult to the masses.

In fact, we’re convinced that their commercial confused more than it enlightened a country full of rednecks and sporting enthusiasts waiting on the edge of their sofas for Ozzy Osborne to jump out from behind all of those godforsaken books and bite the head off one of those hipsters while firmly gripping bottle of Budweiser Black Crown.

This, of course, never happened and all viewers were left with by the end of the commercial was a name to a website that may or may not encourage newcomers to the faith to shave off their pubes, piece their genitals and start an acting career – or do we have this confused with something else?

At any rate, someone found the time to poke proper fun at the Super Bowl Scientology ad in this video by asking questions; not cute questions, big questions - but not questions about the church, how they raise money, lawsuits, or Paul Haggis; other questions, like those about a guy in the city, a girl in the rain and mysterious sun hands… and books, so many books.