Good News! Sex Injuries in Hotels Now Covered by Workman’s Comp — Now If You Only Got Laid

When it comes to pure, unadulterated, sheet-staining hotel sex, there are some potential dangers lingering about the room that can be almost as detrimental to one's health as a vicious case of crab lice, a community double dong and the words “I’m gonna tell your wife.”

The most hazardous amenity for one woman was an above bed chandelier with the nondiscriminatory laws of gravity on its side.

During a recent work-related trip, an Australian woman was severely injured when the chandelier above her bed ripped from the ceiling and landed directly on her face while she was getting her muff thumped like a speed bag.

Unfortunately, this little sexual mishap caused her both physical and psychological distress that ultimately lead to her filling a claim with workman’s compensation to cover her time off from work. Yet, the government insurer was not sympathetic to her situation and denied her payment due to sex “not being an ordinary incident of an overnight stay” like taking a shower, sleeping or other activities condoned by the government.

That decision did not sit well with Judge John Nicholas, who quickly overturned the worker’s comp ruling in Federal Court, stating that sex does not have to be permitted by the government for a person to qualify for benefits. "If the applicant had been injured while playing a game of cards in her motel room, she would be entitled to compensation even though it could not be said that her employer induced her to engage in such activity," he said.

Perhaps now, insurers will make it mandatory for the sexually active business culture to wear mouth guards and face shields while trying to "get off" during company time.