A wedding ring should remain on your finger. At. All. Times.

A 28-year-old man in South Africa is making news after he had a light bulb moment and put his wedding band around his penis during some sort of kinky rendezvous with his wife (and, yeah, he may be an even bigger buffoon than this loon).

According to the South African Medical Journal:

His penis was severely swollen and blue, and constricted with a ring (wedding ring) at the middle section. The patient reported that he had applied the ring four hours previously for erotic reasons, on the recommendation of friends."

It's an incident described as "penile strangulation," which is a fancy way of saying "choke your chicken," which is a middle schooler's way of saying "playing with yourself," which is a way of universally saying "masturbation."

Using string failed, as did an oscillating saw -- which, come on, you know you don't want that anywhere near your junk -- so doctors then punched holes in the penis to removed constricted blood and remove the ring.

The man remained in the hospital for three days, during which time we're assuming he and his wife worked on an airtight story to cover why he really was there when friends and family ask.