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Classy Woman Arrested After Threatening to Poop on Officer

Kristina Roberts
Manchester Police Department

This woman is in deep, well, you know.

Today’s winner of the day is Kristina Roberts, an 18-year-old from Manchester, N.H., who threatened to go number two on a cop’s leg while the officer tried to arrest her after responding to a noise complaint in the wee hours of Monday morning.

It’s a long story about what led to it, so we’ll just get to the heart of the (fecal) matter: while cops waited for a car to take Roberts and her boyfriend to jail she grew feisty and, according to New England Cable News, “allegedly placed her buttocks on the officer’s leg and threatened to defecate on her.”

Roberts’ boyfriend was already in trouble for trying to grab a gun when cops walked into their apartment. Before she made her excremental threat, Roberts had grabbed one officer’s jacket in the hopes of stopping him from coming inside, which led to the arrest, which led to the poop-on-the-leg bit.

You’d have to think a night in the slammer is going to put a strain on their relationship, so, considering Roberts’ crime, we won’t be surprised if her boyfriend makes sure to “dump” her.

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