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The 7-Pound Hot Dog Is Here to Kill You With Deliciousness

America — the country that is once again proving that when it comes to waistlines and food portions, bigger is better.

Take this jayvee quality infomercial for the seven-pound hot dog. Yes, SEVEN POUNDS. Sorry, but the only kind of dog that should weigh that much is a litter of poodles.

This ad first surfaced in 2009, but is only now getting the love we’re not so sure it deserves. And the fact the product is so out there only takes away from the issue of what kind of sideburns this pitchman is sporting. Perhaps he ought to team up with Gillette for a razor so big it can shave all your facial hair in one fell swoop.

Each frankfurter, by the way, makes about 50 dogs — or roughly enough to make your cholesterol shoot to the moon and back. We suggest pairing it with a 1,500 gallon tub of Tantrum for a meal you’ll never forget. Or at least be able to fall asleep from eating.

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