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13 Things Not To Say in a Doctor’s Waiting Room

Waiting Room
Monkey Business

You think you’re feeling sick now? Wait until you get the bill from seeing your doctor. Going to any medical professional these days is an experience fraught with frustration, anxiety and aggravation. Though you may want to let all that frustration out in the waiting room, there are some things you just shouldn’t say.

Between filling out endless forms and getting stuck in a waiting room whose only reading material is a two-year-old copy of The Economist, receiving medical attention is no fun at all. Don’t make things worse for yourself by uttering any of these lines while you’re in the waiting room:

1. “I’m uninsured.”

2. “I sure hope what I have isn’t contagious. Say, can I borrow your pen?”

3. “Do you guys take Groupons?”

4. “I’m pretty sure I have something that can only be treated by ‘Quincy.’”

5. “I’ll show you my pus if you show me yours.”

6. “Remember the thing coming out of that guy’s stomach in ‘Alien?’ I wish my problem was that simple.”

7. “If this doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong, I’m thinking about switching to a vet.”

8. “Would the doc mind if I snagged a couple boxes of latex gloves?”

9. “I was referred to you by my malpractice lawyer.”

10. “I’m not sure, but I think green means infected.”

11. “If I decide to skip the whole ‘bend and cough’ thing, is there a discount?”

12. “You can go ahead of me. I’m sure the doctor will be quick.”

13. “Does anyone mind if I smoke?”

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