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Total Dingleberry Tries to Set Ex’s Home on Fire With Cheetos

Shemroy Williams
Taunton Police Department

Revenge is a dish best served…cheesy?

A jury Taunton, Mass. recently convicted a man for trying to burn down his ex-girlfriend’s house while she was still inside it. Oh, and he tried to make the blaze spread quicker using Cheetos.

It took the jury an hour to convict 31-year-old Shemroy Williams, presumably because all that talk about Cheetos made them so hungry they just wanted to hit a vending machine (and side note: what’s up with doofus criminals and food?).

The incident took place in March of this year. Williams, who was sentenced to two-and-a-half years behind bars, tried to set the inferno in five different spots and even placed a propane tank against the home when the porch caught fire. Firefighters managed to remove the tank before it went off.

It didn’t take much effort to find Williams:

Police located Williams about 100 yards away from the home with two lighters in his pocket and an empty bag of Cheetos. Investigators determined the defendant attempted to use the Cheetos to accelerate the fire.

Williams’ ex-girlfriend claims he had been stalking her and had told her he mulled over killing her, ruined her cell phone and snapped wires under her car. Yeah, if it wasn’t for Tom Brady, this knucklehead would be the biggest winner in New England.

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