Git Off My Alcohol – Hot Mess of the Day

Name: The Eternal Bridesmaid

Occupation: Being the doting Maid of Honor at my gay younger brother's wedding.

Interests: Rose, emoticons, wearing white, late-night blogging, waterproof mascara, not trimming my bangs.

Hobbies: Not catching the wedding bouquet, making scenes, Ben & Jerry's (yeah, it's a hobby for me), living the life of Katherine Heigl in '27 Dresses' without the "happily ever after" ending (sad face).

What I'm doing with my life: Always the bridesmaid, never the girl the groomsmen want to hook up with in the broom closet.

What are 5 things you can't live without?: My cell (so that I can call my mother at 3 a.m. just to see how she'll react when I scream, "I'm adopted and you never told me, right!?!"), that spare bottle of wine churches' always forget to bring out for the wedding communion ceremony, my life-size poster of Patrick Swayze from 'Ghost,' Facebook (so that I can write pitiful status updates that just beg people to feel sorry for me, and upload Instagram photos of my cats), and my boot flask.

What's the first thing people notice about you?: The desperation in my eyes.

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. And Ladies! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email.