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Weird News Story of the Year — 2012 GuySpeed Awards

Guyspeed Awards 2012

Let’s face it — 2012 hasn’t exactly been a banner year. With everything from the recession to Hurricane Sandy, it’s been hard for almost everyone. But it’s been especially difficult for the unfortunate schlubs in our 10 favorite weird news stories of 2012.

If life’s got you down, consider what it must be like to have a chin implant in your scrotum, or get sick from toilet fumes at an airport, or die after winning a roach-eating contest. Any way you slice it, someone, somewhere has it worse than you.

So, put aside your troubles for a moment and rest easy in the knowledge that you’re not them. Make sure to click on the headline to read the original story.

Doctors Use Chin Implant to Make Man’s Testicles the Same Size

Here’s one thing we know for sure — no matter how unhappy we might be with our scrotum, we’ll never let our beloved babymakers go under the knife. And yet, doctors in Mexico used a chin implant to make a man’s testicles the same size.

Essentially, doctors inserted a silicon implant between a man’s left testicle and several layers of tissue, giving his family jewels a more symmetrical look. What’s more, the doctor who performed the procedure said it gives new hope to people “not feeling satisfied with their testicular size.” Any takers?

Doctors Injecting Patients With Olive Oil During Penis Enlargement Procedures

In another example of ill-advised surgery, a 50-year-old Thai man had olive oil injected into his penis to make it bigger. Eventually, the man developed a severe infection and his testicles swelled to the size of coconuts. In other words, a chin implant would be useless here.

Unfortunately, the man developed cancer and his genitals — get this — had to be completely removed. And although reports don’t confirm this, we bet his cholesterol levels were perfectly fine.

Verbally-Abusive Man Cuts Off Tongue to Win Back Estranged Wife

Love hurts, but it hurts nobody more than this 32-year-old man from India, who cut off his own tongue to win back his estranged wife. Turns out, he had a penchant for verbal abuse. So, his wife and daughter left him.

The man was reportedly so distraught that he lopped off his own tongue as a form of self-punishment. Then, he notified his wife that the offending member had been removed. It’s unclear whether she believed the story that his tongue made him do it.

Toilet Fumes Make 53 People Sick at Airport

Flying is no fun to begin with, but when you consider that more than 50 people got sick at a Berlin airport from toilet fumes, traveling by plane reaches a whole new level of awful.

We know what you’re thinking and, no, the fumes didn’t come from poo. Instead, the cleaning crew at Tegel Airport used too much ammonia on the toilets and dozens fell ill, including the firefighters who responded to help. Just goes to show, if we were meant to fly, we’d have wings … and gas masks.

Florida Man Dies During Roach Eating Contest

How, we’ve always wondered, do competitive eaters not just keel over and die? Well, one finally did in Florida after consuming an unspecified number of roaches and worms in a bid to win a $850 snake as a prize. But here’s the worst (er, best) part — he actually won.

Soon after winning the contest, Edward Archbold took ill and began to vomit. Eventually, he collapsed and was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead. Officials aren’t sure exactly what killed the 32-year-old man, but we can guess.

Stripper Pole Dance Bursts Guy’s Bladder at Bachelor Party

We’ve always known that strippers are bad news, but a man at his own bachelor party got the worst of it when a dancer ruptured his bladder. Apparently, he was enjoying a pole dance when a stripper “launched herself down onto his abdomen” with such force that his bladder near exploded.

The high-flying stripper also allegedly injured the man’s back and hip, compelling him to sue the club for $50,000 in medical costs, pain, humiliation and mental anguish. As far as we’re concerned, he should have asked for more, because there’s really no way to bounce back from being beaten up by a stripper.

Students Forced To Trim Teacher’s Pubic Hair

We’re all for innovative teaching methods, but a beauty school in Montana may have gone a bit too far when they forced students to shave their instructor’s pubic hair. Yes, you read that right.

A federal lawsuit claims that Dahl’s College of Beauty was overcharging students for tuition to the tune of nearly $10,000 each, and forced them to trim and wax the teacher’s pubic hair. If any students had the unmitigated gall to complain, they were expelled without a tuition refund. It’s anybody guess what the students had to do for extra credit.

Man Mangles Manhood After Attempting To Shoot Firecrackers From His Butt

Mom always warned us about firecrackers and it turns out she was right all along. Fortunately, we never tried anything as dumb as this Australian man, who severely burned his rear end and testicles after he put fireworks between his butt cheeks and set them off.

To add insult to injury, police say he could also face fines because fireworks are illegal in that particular location. Oh, and cops think alcohol may have played a part in the incident. No kidding.

Rat Eats Man’s Penis

When it comes times for us to kick the bucket, we want the best medical care and to be surrounded by family and friends. Either way, we sure hope we don’t die like this guy, who succumbed to blood loss after rats gnawed off his penis. What a way to go.

Even nuttier, the man was in a hospital in Calcutta at the time being treated for pneumonia. It’s anybody’s guess how a swarm of rats ate his manhood while under the supposedly watchful eye of doctors.

Now that we think about it, we’d rather die in our own bed instead.

Man Shows Up Naked and High For Job Interview

There’s a certain protocol during job interviews, and, as far as we know, showing up naked and high on meth isn’t part of it. Regardless, a California man did exactly that when interviewing for a job as a welder, which, if you think about it, seems like an awfully dangerous profession for someone who hates clothes.

In any event, the naked, drug-addled man was quickly arrested by police. It’s safe to say he probably didn’t get the job either.

Voting for the 2012 GuySpeed Awards closes on Jan. 15 at 11:59 PM EST. Fans can vote once per hour, so keep coming back to make sure your favorite story wins!

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