Our month of 'Everything But The Game' continues and now that 2012 is here, we decided to put together a list major sports teams that could use some uniform re-branding.
We realize all teams can’t have classic looks like the Celtics, Yankees or Canadians, but we should be able to root for our teams without being embarrassed by their uniforms or even logos. In combing through uniforms we did notice an alarming trend. Teams suddenly feel the need to have multiple combinations for both home and away. While kids and fan boys love the idea, we long for the days of teams only having a 'home' and 'away' uniform option.
Now that we are done complaining, on to our suggestions.
We applaud them for removing the checkered flags from the side of the uniforms because they realized they were a basketball team and not involved in NASCAR. They still look like the redneck cousin of the Knicks. Keep in mind that this team is owned by Michael Jordan, the man that rescued our eyes from NBA tight shorts (at least until John Stockton retired). Maybe Jordan should put a little effort into the uniforms and logo and spend less time sleeping through Hanes undershirt ads that ramble on about the ‘bacon neck’ epidemic.
This is a tough one because the Golden Domers used to be mentioned in the same breathe as other classic uniforms. The jersey and pants themselves aren’t that bad, but the rotten cherry on top is the helmet. It looks like it should come with a scratch ticket.
We hate to throw around a term like ‘unmitigated disaster’ but the uniform that the Maryland Terps rolled out this year certainly qualifies. It has been described by Albert Breer as, “shockingly hideous,” and caused noted fashionista Lebron James to Tweet, “#Ewwwwww!” We think they look like Ninja Turtles on acid.
Memo to the Carolina Panthers ownership/management: teal was a really hip and cool color in 1995. Unfortunately it is 2012 and as cool as Cam Newton is, people will think long and hard before buying a jersey that will make them look like a Florida retirees bathroom tile.
Enough already Nike. We get that the Duck's football program is your darling little girl that you like to play dress up with. We can’t imagine what it is like to be a parent of a kid who roots for the Ducks and have them cry in their mash potatoes because you can’t afford to buy them the commemorative Missouri State game jersey. They need to pick a home and an away uniform every year and stick with it for a whole season. It's not a whole lot to ask.
Any time your uniform colors are described as ‘powder’ or ‘baby’ you may have made a critical misstep. It is hard to play tough when you look like an infant boy’s nursery. This one is especially tough to take because the Nuggets always had pretty cool uniforms. The Fat Lever era threads were funky, and the Dikembe Mutombo looked like something fans from Colorado would support.
No longer the ‘Florida’ Marlins, the Miami Marlins look like they turned designing duties over to Mugatu. We are appreciative of the team moving away from the 90’s issued teal color (are the Carolina Panthers listening) which were clearly playing to the Don Johnson and Miami Sound Machine crowd. If one of their goals was to trick fans of the 'U' to buy their gear by accident – mission accomplished.